


Dating By The Rules

by kekecocoa



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Friends to Lovers, Hunk is honestly the most reasonable person here, Keith also gives terrible advice but mostly gives it bc Lance's advice is awful, Lance is a self-proclaimed Dating Expert, M/M, Pidge is just here for the show, Shenanigans, Shiro is clueless about dating, Slow burn Klance, someone please save Shiro, the Terrible Dating Advice war that this fandom didnt need but here it is anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8338090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekecocoa/pseuds/kekecocoa
Summary: 'McClain Family Dating RulebookTop Ten Dating RulesRule 1Be kind of a jerk. It makes you look confident and like you don’t care. But then be nice later so they know you’re actually sweet and that you care about them.'"What the fuck, Lance? That doesn't even make sense."---basically, shiro is helplessly in love with the hot girl in his class and lance and keith give him conflicting and terrible dating advice. it goes about as well as can be expected.





	1. The Struggles of Takashi Shirogane

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry the last half of this was written while i was drunk and has definately not been edited (im still pretty drunk tbh) but i told myself i was going to post this tonight no matter what so i apologize for any confusion

“Sooooo…. how’d the date with your hot girlfriend go?” Lance grinned wide as he slid into the passenger seat of Shiro’s car.  
  
Pidge groaned from the backseat, shifting towards Keith to give Hunk room.  
  
Shiro’s face flushed and he quickly hid it behind a hand, which failed to actually hide his embarrassment and only muffled his response. “It wasn't a date, Lance. We just had class together. That's all.”  
  
Lance clucked his tongue at him, preparing to chide him on his rational thinking, Shiro was certain. So he continued, “And she isn't my girlfriend.”  
  
At this, Lance frowned deeply.  
  
Keith snorted in laughter from the seat behind Shiro. He glared at him in the mirror but Keith didn't bother looking up from his phone.  
  
“Come on, man,” Hunk cut in. “You guys are practically dating.”  
  
Shiro shot him a confused look as he shifted gears to drive them out of the school parking lot.  
  
“What? No. Of course not.”  
  
This time it was Lance who snorted, “Dude,” he started, shaking his head, “You haven't stopped talking about her since you met her 3 weeks ago.”  
  
Shiro felt his face heat again but he kept his eyes on the busy parking lot to avoid running over any students blindly walking in the street. He opened his mouth to protest but Pidge cut him off.  
  
“You didn't ask any of us how our first day of classes went because you could only talk about how soft her hair looked or how pretty her face is,” she said bluntly. “You haven't even heard how Lance embarrassed himself at Rush last week.”  
  
“... Have I really been that bad..?” _...of a friend?_ he finished in his head. He stopped to let a group of students cross in front of them and he glanced guiltily at each of them.  
  
Pidge was tugging on Keith's jacket to show him something on her phone, grinning wildly. Hunk had leaned over to get a look, but he clearly didn't find it as interesting as Keith did.  
  
Lance looked away out the window at the subdued late Monday afternoon campus life and hit the button to roll the glass down. He didn't turn far enough to hide the blush on his cheeks, though.  
  
“Aha ha, yeah, well… it's fine. Honestly, it's probably better if you don't hear that story.”  
  
That didn't absolve the guilt that had settled in, but the corners of his mouth curled up. There was a good story here. He took his foot off the brake and started making his way out of the busy parking lot again.  
  
“Yeah, there really isn't much to tell after he watches the video.” Pidge was the picture of devilish mischief, leaning conspiringly towards Keith who was smirking at her phone.  
  
“WHAT?!!?” Lance whipped around to glare at her. “You wouldn't,” he said, warning in his voice.  
  
Pidge just smiled innocently at him, all traces of impishness erased.  
  
Everyone knew that she absolutely would.  
  
Lance tried to reach into the back to grab her phone but she just handed it to Keith who had no problem holding it out of his grasp. He made a couple more grabs at it before Shiro gave him a warning look and he turned back around. His head fell back against the headrest and he groaned.  
  
“You guys suck.”  
  
Lance propped his arm up in the empty window frame and let his hand hang against the outside of the car, scowling a bit as he listened to Pidge and Keith snicker to each other.  
  
The car fell silent for a couple of minutes. Lance and Shiro watched the car back out in front of them. Pidge and Keith were typing on their phones, probably texting each other. And Hunk was watching more dog videos, according to the soft barking noises coming from his phone.  
  
The breeze blew in through Lance’s open window and swept lazily around the car. Keith leaned forward to tap twice on Shiro’s shoulder, who rolled his own window down, letting the air flow more naturally through the car.  
  
The silence didn't last long enough in Shiro’s opinion.  
  
“So, if you guys aren't together...” Lance let that sentence trail off, grinning at Shiro again.  
  
“Ugh. Lance, we all love Shiro very much but for once can you get off the gossip train. No offence Shiro, but I'm kinda sick of hearing about star-lit eyes and silver unicorn hair and laughs that could cure cancer. I feel like I'm in love with her and I've never even met her, let alone talked to her,” Pidge spoke up from the back seat.  
  
“Ah,” Shiro said like there was more to that thought but wasn't willing to share it.  
  
Lance narrowed his eyes at the side of Shiro’s anxious-looking face.  
  
“‘Ah.’ what, Shiro?”  
  
Shiro resolutely ignored him.  
  
They rode in silence again for a few precious seconds before Lance caught something out of the corner of his eye. His head snapped towards the windshield.  
  
“That is the hottest babe I've ever seen,” he said absently. It was Keith's turn to groan.  
  
“No! I'm serious! Shiro, you gotta stop.”  
  
Shiro, of course, had no intention of doing so, but he found that he had little choice with the cars in front of him lined up at the red light.  
  
“Oh, wow,” Lance breathed, staring out Shiro’s window.  
  
Shiro looked. And that was his second biggest mistake of the day. The biggest was probably letting Lance in his car.  
  
Because the hot babe that Lance was eyeing? Yeah, it was the same girl he had been mooning over for the past few weeks.  
  
She was turned away from them, eyes on her phone, and she was leaning against the most expensive car Shiro has ever seen. He couldn't see her expression, but the sunlight caught in her silver upswept hair and he could swear he was staring at an angel.  
  
He quickly turned back to the car in front of him, feeling his cheeks starting to warm.  
  
“Hey, man, back up like 50 feet and turn up the music. We gotta arrive in style. Ya’know, make a statement!”  
  
“No.” It came out harsher than he meant, but even if he wanted to move (He kinda did. He couldn’t see her face from here.), there was a car pulling up behind them.  
  
Lance looked at him curiously.  
  
“Why not? What's up?”  
  
“That's her.”  
  
He realized he should not have said that right after the words were out of his mouth. He hurriedly prayed for the light to change, watching the expressions change on Lance’s face from his peripheral as he realized what Shiro had meant.  
  
When it settled on a genuine smile and Lance said, “Wow, man. I can see why you’ve been so into her,” Shiro almost let loose a huge sigh of relief.  
  
“But you gotta let her know you’re interested! How the hell is she supposed to know you think she’s bammin slammin bootylicious if you don’t tell her?!”  
  
Shiro froze.  
  
_Oh no….  
  
_ Before Shiro could process what was happening, Lance was leaning over him towards his open window.  
  
“HEY BABE! ARE YOU A PARKING TICKET BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT ‘FINE’ WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU!”  
  
Shiro’s muscles were too slow to react and by the time he was trying to push Lance back he was already moving away.  
  
He stole a glance out the window.  
  
Or that’s what he intended to do anyway.  
  
Once he looked, he found that he couldn’t look away. He felt he was watching her turn in slow motion. Her head snapped to the side and she shifted her weight off the car before turning all the way around. His eyes followed the elegant line of her nose as it came into view, but as soon as her sky blue eyes locked onto him he was helpless to look anywhere else.  
  
She glared at him.  
  
And then she raised the hand that wasn’t holding her phone and she flicked him off.  
  
Enough of Shiro’s brain was working through the shock to hope that a black hole would open up and swallow the Earth right then.  
  
He watched as she raised her other arm and proceeded to make a variety of gestures at him that he didn’t recognize but could easily assume were various rude gestures from around the world. He felt mildly impressed despite the shame burning its way across his face.  
  
He looked away and quickly rolled up the window, looking back to the cars in front of him. The light was still red.  
  
“Hey, man, roll the window back down. You don’t even have her number yet.”  
  
Shiro gave Lance a very sharp look of warning before staring forward again. He slid down a couple of inches in his seat, stubbornly refusing the urge to look back out his window and began praying once again for the light to change. Lance huffed, crossed his arms and leaned into his seat.  
  
The car was silent except for the sounds from outside Lance’s open window.  
  
After a few painful seconds in this quiet, personal hell, the light, thankfully, turned green and they could not get through the intersection fast enough.  
  
He glanced back out his window before they moved away only to once again meet the very irate gaze of the girl. She flicked him off again.  
  
He sighed when they got across to the other street, headed towards his apartment building on the opposite side of campus. The silence from the rest of the car was terrible. Shiro half heartedly wished for someone to make a joke or talk about how their professor chugged 12 cups of coffee during lecture that morning. Just _something_ to make him forget for even a few seconds the way her eyes narrowed, anger sharpening her features and making her look dangerous.  
  
Fuck, it was kinda hot.  
  
Yeah, he would take anything at this point.  
  
Anything, except whatever was about to follow that grin on Lance’s face.  
  
“That went pretty well. Except the part where you rolled up the window and ignored her.”  
  
Shiro took his eyes off the road longer than he would deem safe to stare incredulously at him.  
  
“Lance, what the hell are you talking about? She flipped him off like 8 different ways!” Keith leaned forward to catch Lance's eye and glare at him.  
  
Shiro looked back to the road. He wasn't sure he could handle this conversation right now.  
  
“Tch, yeah,” he drawled defensively. “But he got her attention. And that's the first hurdle in dating.”  
  
Pidge snorted at him, “Yeah, genius, now she thinks he's a grade A douchebag. Way to go.”  
  
Lance rolled his eyes and resettled into the seat from where he had turned to glare back at Keith. “Hey, I did him a favor.”  
  
“By making him look like an ass? I'm sure he's thrilled.” Keith let sarcasm bleed through every syllable.  
  
Shiro couldn't bring himself to speak up to stem the oncoming argument. They all knew the rule about arguing in his car, but Lance and Keith tended to forget it. Often.  
  
“Look,” Lance turned around again to glare at Keith, but Hunk cut him off before he could finish that sentence.  
  
“Hey, guys, let’s not do this here.”  
  
Lance was quiet for a moment, “Fine. Let's just finish this when we get to Shiro’s place,” and he turned back around to stare out the open window, drumming his fingers against his thigh.  
  
Keith glared a little longer before huffing and leaning back to stare out his own window.  
  
Hunk shot Pidge a worried look who answered it with an irritated shrug. They both returned to their phones.  
  
This time, Shiro didn't hope for someone to break the silence, no matter how awkward it was.

 

\-----

 

Shiro had barely parked the car before Lance was jumping out into the parking lot. Keith was out almost as fast and he didn’t even wait until they were on the same side of the car before berating him again.  
  
“What the hell was that, Lance? How is yelling pick-up lines at her from the car ‘doing Shiro a favor’?”  
  
Lance stopped before he made it around the corner of the trunk where their bags had been stored and made an irritated face at Keith, crossing his arms again and his shoulders pulled up tight.  
  
“It’s been three weeks and he hasn’t made a move on her!” He exclaimed. “At this rate she’s gonna get snatched up by some douchebag!”  
  
“Still... yelling out the window at her?” Hunk said as he climbed out of the car. “That’s kind of douchy.”  
  
Lance turned to frown at him, “Yeah, maybe, but Shiro isn’t a douche so it’s fine.”  
  
Pidge slid over on the seat to follow Hunk out. “Except she doesn’t know that and now she thinks _he’s_ a douche,” she pointed out.  
  
Lance waved a hand dismissively, “That doesn’t matter. She’s known him since the beginning of the semester and he hasn’t said anything yet. She probably thought he didn’t have the balls to actually make a move at this point.”  
  
“What makes you think he hasn’t ‘made a move’ already?” Keith snapped.  
  
“Puh-leez! What girl could turn Shiro down? The only explanation is that he hasn’t let her know he’s interested.”  
  
Hunk hummed thoughtfully, “Yeah, I think you’re onto something there. We would have known if he got rejected.”  
  
“Exactly!” Lance threw his hands up in the air.  
  
“Hunk brings up a good point,” Pidge interjected. “Either Shiro’s been too subtle for her to pick up on or he hasn’t tried at all.”  
  
“Maybe he’s waiting for a hint that she’s into him before he makes a move?” Hunk supplied.  
  
“Maybe,” Lance conceded. “But you can’t really play the long game with girls that hot. She’s probably got 20 assholes texting her all day and one of them is gonna score.”  
  
Pidge snorted at that, “Lance, considering what we just saw in the parking lot, I think she can handle a few douchebags. I doubt she’s going to be ‘snatched up’.”  
  
“Hey, where is Shiro, anyway?” Keith asked suddenly.  
  
The four of them glanced around the parking lot but there was no Shiro to be found.  
  
“Uhh.. Shiro?” Hunk called out.  
  
Keith ducked down to look in through the window of the car, where he spied the last member of their group. He walked over to the driver’s seat and pulled the door open. Shiro didn’t look up and continued staring blankly at the steering wheel.  
  
“Hey, Shiro. You okay?” Keith asked quietly, offering him a hand.  
  
The others started shuffling towards the front of the car to look in on him, concern written all over their faces.  
  
Shiro looked up at Keith and gave him a small smile. “Yeah… I’m alright. It’s just…” he looked away again.  
  
Keith dropped the hand, “It’s just what?”  
  
Shiro’s head fell back and he closed his eyes, sighing. “It’s just that I’ve never actually spoken to her before.”  
  
Keith looked at Shiro, disbelieving, before he looked up to glare at Lance through the other window.  
  
“Wait. What?” Lance said loudly, the window on his side was closed so the sound was muffled. “Did you just say that you’ve never even _talked_ to her?”  
  
Shiro just turned his head towards the three at the window and nodded.  
  
“WHAT!? Are you kidding, man?” Hunk and Pidge made exclamations of their own, but they couldn’t be heard over Lance.  
  
As Shiro unbuckled himself, Keith held out his hand again and helped pull him from the seat. The keys jingled as they slid into his pocket and he lifted his other hand to run it through his hair and rub at the back of his neck.  
  
“Uh, maybe we could take this inside?” he suggested before anyone else decided to continue the conversation.  
  
“Yeah, okay,” Lance agreed.  
  
They all picked up their belongings from where they had been dropped in the trunk of Shiro’s car and made it up the two flights of stairs in relative silence. It was interrupted mostly by grumbling about said stairs and hushed again when Shiro reminded them that the elevator was broken and won't be repaired until Friday.  
  
Shiro fished his keys back out of his pocket and opened the door to his apartment. Everyone filed in after him, Lance and Keith dropping their bags carelessly against the coffee table. Lance flopped over and sprawled across the loveseat. Keith moved to claim a stool by the bar separating the kitchen and the living room. Pidge followed Lance to the loveseat, pushed his legs out of the way and slid her laptop out, flipping the lid open and quickly typing in her password. Hunk set his bag next to his favorite beanbag near the window and looked around at everyone, trying to gauge where this conversation might be going.  
  
Shiro took his own bag to his room, set it down on his bed and took a moment to collect himself again. He could hear the others talking quietly and the clacking sound of Pidge typing, but he pushed the noise from his mind. He stood in the center of the room and closed his eyes, focusing on controlling his breaths.  
  
_Breathe in…  
  
__Breathe out…  
  
__Breathe in…  
  
__Breathe out…  
  
__Brea-  
  
_ Suddenly, he could clearly see blue eyes glaring back at him and he nearly choked on air.  
  
Okay, that’s probably enough of that.  
  
Shiro slid his hand through his hair, trying to pull the loose strands into place. He gave up after a couple of times when he looked out the door and saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror, realizing that he was essentially accomplishing nothing. His hair looked almost the same as it did this morning when he left for class.  
  
He took one more deep breath to steady himself before he headed back to his friends.  
  
Upon entering the room, the first thing he noticed was the armchair had been pulled out and was sitting in the center of the room. His friends had arranged their own seating in a semi-circle around it and they were watching him expectantly. The curtains were too thin to block out the sunlight, so someone had tucked a blanket into the bar to darken the room. Keith turned on the table lamp that had been moved to the coffe table in the center of the circle of furniture.  
  
“Shiro, it’s time you explained exactly what’s going on here,” Lance said. Pidge nodded next to him on the loveseat. The light from the lamp left their faces mostly shadowed but Shiro could see the serious looks they were giving him.  
  
He carefully made his way to the seat clearly intended for him and he sat gingerly. Looking up, he was faced with four pairs of eyes weighing his every move. He squirmed a little in the chair before he settled and raised his chin, ready to face whatever questioning they had in store.  
  
They watched him quietly for several long seconds that wore on Shiro’s new-found calm demeanor. But eventually Lance spoke up.  
  
“So, Shiro.” He started, leaning forward. “Let’s start from the beginning. You really like this girl in your Advanced Nerd History class, right?”  
  
Shiro nodded.  
  
“And you’ve never spoken a single word to her?” Hunk interjected.  
  
Shiro nodded again.  
  
“And she’s never talked to you either? Besides what happened in the parking lot,” Hunk continued his questioning.  
  
Shiro looked away, feeling the heat rise to his face again, and he gave a jerky nod.  
  
They were quiet again and Shiro looked back. They were trading looks as if they were confirming something.  
  
Pidge glanced down to check something on her computer and then met his gaze. “Well, I guess that explains a lot. We don’t actually know anything about her or what’s been going on between you two because there isn’t anything to know.”  
  
“Ugh, Shiro,” Keith groaned.  
  
Lance gave a short laugh, “Guess you were wrong, mullet-man!”  
  
Keith scowled at him.  
  
Pidge quickly typed something, ignoring the boys trading dirty looks over her head.  
  
“What exactly are you typing?” Shiro knows better than to ask her what she’s doing on her computer, but he feels justified in at least asking in this situation.  
  
To everyone’s surprise, she grinned at him and spun her laptop around and showed him her screen. A text document was open and there were a few notes typed out. Shiro leaned forward a bit to read them.  
  
At the top in big bold letters it said: **WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT HOT MYSTERY GIRL**  
  
The main body of the document was a bulleted list that said:

  * Hot™
  * very mysterious
  * cool silver hair
  * dark skin
  * could probably kick Keith's ass
  * well-versed in the art of flicking people off
  * probably cooler than all of us combined
  * WAY out of Lance’s league
  * has a super expensive car??
  * apparently has a really nice laugh
  * is really smart
  * probably some sort of goddess or an alien



Under the list were a few short sentences describing Shiro’s (lack of) interactions with her.  
  
Pidge laughed a little to herself as Shiro leaned back in his seat and she turned the laptop back around.  
  
“Well, Shiro, do you have anything to add to our list?” she asked. The glint in her eye told him that she didn’t expect him to.  
  
“Actually,” he said a little smugly, “yes. She’s foreign. From some small European country.”  
  
She raised an eyebrow at that but dutifully added it to the list.  
  
“How’d you find that out?” Hunk asked.  
  
“She answered a question in class and the professor asked her about her accent.”  
  
“That’s cheating,” Lance muttered.  
  
“So, before Lance jumped in,” Keith spoke over him, “how exactly were you planning on getting this girl’s attention?”  
  
“Ah,” Shiro started. He left it at that for a beat longer than he probably meant to and Keith interrupted.  
  
“Don’t tell me you didn’t have any ideas about how to approach her..?” he said hesitantly.  
  
“Well, I didn’t before,” Shiro finally replied.  
  
“But you do now?” Hunk prompted.  
  
“Not… exactly…”  
  
“What?” Lance cried. “C’mon, man, you’ve gotta have some good moves you can use on her!”  
  
Shiro didn’t reply.  
  
“He really doesn’t,” Keith finally said for him.  
  
Lance, Pidge, and Hunk just looked questioningly at him. Shiro could feel a blush working its way across his cheeks again.  
  
“I’ve never dated before, so I really don’t know what to say to her.”  
  
The silence laid thick and heavy over them.  
  
Surprisingly, it wasn’t Lance who broke it this time.  
  
“What?” Hunk gasped. “No way.”  
  
“Actually,” Lance said slowly, “that makes sense.”  
  
Hunk turned his incredulous look to Lance.  
  
“No, it really does. No wonder he’s spent three weeks pining after her.” Lance looked to Shiro at this. “Buddy, it sounds like you really need some help.”  
  
Shiro was a little unsure about accepting help, considering how things had gone not even 2 hours ago. On the other hand, he really had no idea where to start.  
  
“Yeah,” he agreed.  
  
Lance grinned wide, “Fortunately for you, I happen to be an expert on dating.”  
  
Keith immediately burst out laughing and Pidge’s snickers soon followed. Hunk just gave him a nervous smile.  
  
He ignored the outbursts and continued, “Seriously, I know everything there is to know. With me guiding you, you’ll be a master of the dating game in no time!”  
  
Pidge snorted in laughter, “Yeah, right. With him guiding you I expect you to be calling us at 3am because your date tied you to a tree in your underwear and took your car.”  
  
“Hey!” Lance turned around to glare at Pidge. “That only happened once and that’s because I misjudged her. I’m not gonna make the same mistake again!”  
  
“No, this is a chance to make all new mistakes.” Keith couldn’t keep the smirk off of his face while he said it.  
  
“Hey, how about you shut it,” Lance snapped, glaring at Keith now.  
  
When he looked back to Shiro he caught Hunk frowning and nodding from the corner of his eye.  
  
“Not you too, buddy,” Lance pleaded.  
  
“Sorry, man. I just really think you should stay out of this.”  
  
“But Lance is right,” Shiro said. “I do need help.”  
  
“That may be true, but that doesn’t mean it should come from Lance,” Keith argued.  
  
“Who else is gonna give him advice, huh? You?” Lance demanded.  
  
Keith shot an irritated look at him but didn’t get a chance to say anything before he continued.  
  
“You’ve never dated anyone either, Mr. I’m-too-Good-for-Anyone. So, Pidge?”  
  
“No way,” Pidge interrupted from where she had settled back against the cushions, laptop propped up against her legs as she began typing again.  
  
“Thank you, Pidge. Which leaves Hunk.” Lance turned and looked expectantly at Hunk, who glanced nervously between him, Keith, and Shiro.  
  
“Uh, I’m not sure I have any advice to give...”  
  
Hunk had barely finished his sentence before Lance was speaking again, “Well! Then it’s settled-”  
  
“Hold on. Nothing’s ‘settled’ here,” Keith snapped. “We’ve seen what your help can do and, honestly, I think any of us could do better.”  
  
“Excuse you,” Lance sassed at him. “My dating knowledge has been passed down the McClain family for generations. My grandfather, my father, and all of my older siblings are on cloud 9 with the love of their lives.”  
  
“Oh, yeah? If it’s so good then where’s yours?” Keith countered.  
  
Lance gave him a dirty look, “Obviously, I haven’t met them yet. But when we do meet, they’re gonna fall head over heels for me, and it’s all gonna be thanks to The McClain Family Dating Rulebook.”  
  
Keith made a face at that. “Please tell me that isn’t an actual book.”  
  
“Oh, it is,” Hunk interjected. “I found it under his pillow one day and I read half of it. It’s very thorough.”  
  
“What?! Hunk! Those are precious family secrets!” Lance complained.  
  
“If that’s the advice he’s giving Shiro, then I think it’s fine,” Hunk continued as if Lance hadn’t spoken at all.  
  
“You can’t be serious,” Keith said.  
  
“Don’t worry about anything, Shiro! You’re in good hands,” Lance said, standing up and stretching out his back.  
  
Shiro stood as well, smiling. “Thanks, Lance.”  
  
He was still hesitant about getting advice from Lance, but for now he was going to trust his friend to help him.  
  
Lance returned the smile.  
  
“Okay! Now that that’s done. How about we start our Monday Movie Marathon early?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is dedicated to nusha. if it werent for her, i would never have gotten through the first 1k words and i would not have enough terrible dating rules for more than like 5k. also shoutout to pearl for screaming with and helping me get some of this stuff figured out.
> 
> also this is the first time ive managed to actually post anything in like 6 years so id really appreciate some concrit, please! thanks for reading!


	2. in which Shiro continues to suffer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha i use monster reborn to summon this fic from the graveyard
> 
> here's the stirring 2nd chapter! in which lance finally introduces The Rulebook™!
> 
> also this chapter got way out of hand and its basically double the size of the 1st one so if that upsets you then turn back now

Shiro woke slowly to the sound of his phone beeping, one hand slipping out from under the sheets and groping around for his phone on his nightstand. Turning on the screen on, he glared at the bright numbers.

8:37

He grumbled to himself. It was too early for his alarm to be going off on a Tuesday. The only one crazy enough to schedule anything earlier than 10am the day after a movie marathon was Lance. Who was, coincidentally, the one who woke him up. He opened up his notifications just as another message came in: 27 new messages from SirLancelot.

Shiro groaned and muted his phone, turning the screen off and dropping it back on the table. He rolled over and wished he could go back to sleep. Instead, he just stared at the closet on the opposite wall. Memories of yesterday’s events slowly filtered back in as the grogginess began to fade.

He groaned again as he covered his face in his hand. A hundred questions ran through his head as the mortification began to set in. How could he let Lance catcall out of his car window? Why didn’t he just apologize to her? He probably could have said literally anything and it would have made the situation better.

Even after all that, how the hell did he let Lance convince him that he was qualified to give him advice?? For probably the 15th time since yesterday afternoon, he began to doubt Lance’s ability to actually help him. He could find him before class today and just tell him that it was nice of him to offer but he’d rather do this on his own.

He felt a little bad about rejecting his help after last night, but Lance’s track record with women wasn’t exactly good. At least, as far as he knew.

But… he wasn’t lying yesterday about not knowing what to do. He wanted to get to know her better and he just had no idea how to do that. He hardly knew anything about her, he could probably count the things that he knew about her, as a person, on one hand.

He didn’t even know her name.

He rolled back over to glare at his phone. The light was flashing, reminding him of his unread messages.

Maybe…. Maybe it won’t hurt to listen to what advice he has to give. Hunk seemed to think that he could help. And Lance always did have a way of surprising him.

Shiro reached over and grabbed his phone again and quickly unlocked it. His notifications now said that he had 29 messages. All from Lance.

He opened Skype and clicked on the group chat, where Lance has apparently been sending messages to for the past half an hour.

 

SirLancelot (8:06): heyy  
SirLancelot (8:06): wake up gaiz  
SirLancelot (8:07): im calling an official meeting  
SirLancelot (8:07): 10.30 @ roastbusters  
SirLancelot (8:07): BE THERE  
SirLancelot (8:09): THAT INCLUDES YOU KEITH AND PIDGE  
SirLancelot (8:12): FYI THAT IS 10:30 IN THE AM  
SirLancelot (8:12): NO ECXU SES  
SirLancelot (8:12): EXCUSES

Seen by BeachHunk at 8:14AM

SirLancelot (8:14): hunk  
SirLancelot (8:14): im countnig on yoi to make sure those 2 are there  
SirLancelot (8:15): hunk?  
SirLancelot (8:15): buddy??  
SirLancelot (8:16): DONT LEAVE ME HANGING HERE MAN  
SirLancelot (8:17): u all suc  
SirLancelot (8:17): k

SirLancelot (8:31): okey guys  
SirLancelot (8:32): TIME  
SirLancelot (8:32): TO  
SirLancelot (8:32): WAKE  
SirLancelot (8:32): UP  
SirLancelot (8:32): !!!

SirLancelot (8:37): SHIRO  
SirLancelot (8:37): ARE YOU A WAKE????  
SirLancelot (8:37): YOU HAVe TO B ETHERE  
SirLancelot (8:37): THIS IS FoR YOUR da TING LIFE  
SirLancelot (8:37): S H I R O

Seen by shut up lance at 8:38AM.

SirLancelot (8:38): KEITH

SirLancelot (8:43): fcuk you guys

 

Shiro typed a response, letting Lance know that yes, he will be there. He looked at the time and, if he hurried, he could hit the gym and still make it. Maybe a couple of minutes late, depending on traffic.

He climbed out of bed and double checked his gym bag, confirming that the clean outfit he vaguely remember packing last was indeed there. He threw an extra pair of socks in, just in case, and pulled on his gym shorts and a tank. It took him a couple of minutes to find his old university sweater that had been buried under 3 other sweaters on the ground against the closet door and he pulled that on too. His phone was flashing the notification light at him again but he slid it into his pocket without checking and he grabbed his keys and wallet on the way out.

He glanced at the closed door to the other bedroom as he walked through the quiet space into the kitchen. He was used to having mornings to himself, since his roommate usually worked late into the night and slept until about noon, but it felt different knowing that no one was on the other side of that door. It felt lonely.

Shiro opened the fridge, grabbed a protein shake and slid it into the outside drink pocket on his bag before heading out the door.

***

By the time Shiro walked into Roastbusters at 10:33, Lance was already lounging on bench sipping on a frappuccino. He looked up as Shiro made his way around the busy seating area towards the register and smiled around his straw in greeting. Shiro gave a small smile and wave in return. 

Despite the number of people filling the shop, the line was almost non-existent and a few minutes later Shiro was sitting in a chair sipping on his coffee across from a rather irritated Lance. Shiro watched him bounce his leg and slide his phone around on the table, his eyes practically glued to the front door.

“They’ll be here, Lance,” Shiro finally said, catching his attention again. “You know that anything before 11 is early for them.”

Lance grumbled into his drink and chewed on the straw before speaking around it, “Yeah, but it’s only an extra half hour. They could have at least responded.” He flipped his phone around again so the screen was righted and he unlocked it to stare moodily at the chat. “I guess we could just get started without them...” 

He scrolled through the text bubbles from this morning twice before Shiro spoke.

“Well, this actually works out because I was hoping I could talk to you.”

Lance perked up a bit, closing the screen and putting his phone down to give Shiro his attention. The two of them have never really talked one-on-one like this unless it was about how Lance was doing in class. Something Lance always took seriously.

“It’s about, well, it’s about you helping me with this girl…” He really didn’t know how to put this into words without Lance getting defensive or sounding like a parent scolding a child, but he felt this had to be addressed. 

“I just want to know exactly what kind of advice you’re planning on giving me,” Shiro started slowly, gauging Lance’s reaction. When he smiled around his straw again and gave a short hum, Shiro continued, “because what you did yesterday was not alright.”

The smile turned downwards and Lance looked a bit confused but Shiro kept going before he could speak, “I know you were just trying to help, but yelling out a car window at her wasn’t right, and you know that.”

“But-”

“Lance,” Shiro cut him off, “what were you expecting to happen after that? Shouting at a stranger from across a parking lot isn’t the best way to start a conversation with them.”

Lance looked like he was going to protest for a second but then he looked away at the floor and sucked on his straw, mulling over his words. Shiro sipped on his coffee and gave him a few moments.

Just then, something caught his attention. Lance looked up at Keith who shuffled over to drop his bag onto the seat next to Shiro looking like he just rolled out of bed. His hair was messy, more so than usual anyway, and his shirt was rumpled and creased as if he slept on it. He probably had, considering it was the same faded gray shirt he wore yesterday.

“Well, well, well,” Lance said, a smug grin beginning to crawl across his face. “Look who finally made it. And only 11 minutes late today! A new record!”

Keith just glared at him before he turned around to get in line.

As soon as he was gone Lance went back to staring at the floor, expression pensive again, and eventually he looked up to meet Shiro’s eyes.

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” he finally said. “Besides,” he grinned “she looked mad enough to drag you out and beat you in the middle of the street.”

Shiro smiled wryly at him and said, “Just try not to get me in trouble like that again,” before taking a drink of his cooling coffee. He was just putting the cup back on the table when Hunk showed up.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. Couldn’t get Pidge out of bed,” Hunk blurted out as soon as he reached the table.

Lance leaned over to look around Hunk, “Uhhh, did you decide she was a lost cause and leave her in her dorm or something?”

Hunk frowned at him for a moment then spun around, knocking into the chair where Keith’s bag was. He scanned around the room for his missing companion.

Shiro leaned around him to look at the door just as Pidge trudged through it. They all watched as she slowly made her way over to them. Instead of greeting them, she just pushed past Hunk with a yawn and flopped onto the bench. Her backpack hit the ground with a thud at her feet.

“So good of you to finally show up,” Lance commented as he pushed his drink away to prop himself against the table to eye her more effectively.

Pidge finally looked at him, “Yeah, sorry I’m late. Didn’t want to come.”

And with that she crossed her arms on the table and let her head drop onto them.

Lance huffed at her before turning to Hunk, “Did you bring the goods?”

Hunk grinned and patted the bag slung over his shoulder, “As promised.” He passed the heavy bag over the table to Lance who eagerly reached for it, but when Hunk let go, the bag slammed down on top of one of Lance’s hands.

“GAH! Shit!!” Lance sputtered out half a dozen curses as Hunk and Shiro both scrambled to lift the bag.

“Are you okay, Lance?” Hunk asked, letting Shiro take the bag and place it on the floor between him and Lance.

Before he could respond, the sound of giggling could be heard from the pile of Pidge still folded up on the table. Lance shot a dirty look at her mess of honey-colored hair.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll live, I guess.” He gently held his injured left hand to his chest, using the other one to rub delicate circles into his throbbing palm. “But, Hunk, what the hell do you have in that bag, man? It weighs like 50 pounds!”

“Uhh, well,” Hunk thought out loud, “my laptop is in there, and so is my textbook for Astronomy, and my textbooks for tomorrow, and my robotics textbook, I take that one everywhere…”

Lance cut him off with a short, “Nevermind! Forget I asked.”

“Here, Lance, let me take a look at that,” Shiro held out his hand.

He frowned and placed his injured hand in Shiro’s prosthetic right hand while his other one started gently prodding the aching flesh. The cool metal felt good on his hand.

“It’s been a little while, but I took sports medicine back in my sophomore year,” he explained as he carefully examined Lance’s hand.

There was a quiet moment while Hunk and Lance watched Shiro, Lance occasionally flinching when he poked someplace sensitive, before Keith returned to the table.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, seeming slightly more awake than before, with a hot cup of something in his hands.

“I dunno yet. Ask Doc over here,” Lance replied.

Keith looked to Shiro who was leaning back in his seat, Lance’s hand still gently clasped in his own.

He let out a deep sigh, “Just as I thought.”

Pidge lifted her head at the serious tone and the table waited in silence for his verdict.

Shiro met Lance’s gaze and looked at him for a long, solemn moment.

Lance gave him a nervous smile and glanced over to Hunk, who was also starting to look worried, but his eyes quickly flicked back to Shiro’s.

Shiro used both his hands to wrap completely around Lance’s, careful not to agitate his injury.

He took a deep breath before saying, “Lance.”

Lance wasn’t sure how to respond and just gave an awkward nod of his head for Shiro to continue.

He took another deep breath and started again, “Lance, I’m afraid there’s only one treatment for this kind of injury.”

Lance leaned closer, gently hitting his forgotten cup on the table with his uninjured arm, “Yeah, what is it?”

Shiro closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, there was a kind of fake sadness in them that made Lance’s eyes narrow in suspicion.

“I’m afraid the only thing we can do now is amputate.”

Lance made a face at him to let him know just how funny he thought that was. But apparently the rest of the table did not share his sentiments as Pidge and Keith both burst out laughing. Even Hunk was smiling along.

Lance stuck his tongue out at Shiro, who was now laughing at his own joke, and took his hand back to cradle it to his chest again.

“But, really, Lance,” Shiro said through his chuckles, “it looks pretty bruised, so you should probably put some ice on it. It should be fine in a couple of hours.”

“Is that before or after it’s cut off?” Keith joked.

“Hmm… Ice, huh?” Lance said thoughtfully. He quickly placed his hand on Keith’s chest, near where his heart would be “Ahhhh… that’s much better.”

Keith slapped his hand away, accidentally spilling some of his drink onto his hand. He ignored the slight burning in order to flip Lance off.

Shiro let out another laugh, “Something like that. But maybe you should try your frappe instead.”

Lance moved his now stinging and throbbing hand to wrap around what was left of his drink.

“Well, I was gonna go order some breakfast. I skipped eating this morning so that I could grab Pidge and be here on time,” Hunk said. “I’ll ask if they could put some ice in a bag or something for you.”

With Lance’s reply of “Yeah, thanks,” Hunk started towards the counter.

“Hunk, wait,” Pidge interrupted. She ducked down and opened a pocket on her backpack and pulled out a handful of crumpled bills. Holding them out towards Hunk, she asked, “Could you get my usual?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he took the money and gave her a nod before he walked off.

Keith moved around to the chair he left his bag in and shifted it to the floor next to Pidge’s. Sliding into the chair, he asked, “So, did we come here just to watch you smash your hand under Hunk’s bag of textbooks or is it because you get some sort of sick joy out of depriving us of sleep?”

“Neither,” Lance glared at him. “And you’d know that if you bothered to actually read my messages,” he sniffed.

Keith just gave him a flat look, “If you didn’t send 30 messages when you know we’re all asleep, I just might.”

“Oh my god, you guys, can’t you at least wait until I’ve had caffeine before you start this.” Pidge propped her arm against the table and leaned her head against it, closing her eyes as if she could just wish them away.

Lance gave Keith another frown and Keith rolled his eyes before lifting his cup to his lips and taking a drink. 

“Okay, then let’s get down to business,” Lance said looking back to Shiro.

“To defeat the Huns,” Keith muttered under his breath, causing Pidge and Shiro to smile.

“Under normal circumstances, I would be down for breaking out in Disney songs, but we are way behind schedule and Shiro’s dating life must take priority,” Lance said with importance.

Pidge groaned, “Ugh, this is what you woke me up for?”

“Hey, I don’t want to hear any complaints out of you. Last time we let you sleep while we went off and did stuff and you literally did not shut up about it for a whole month.”

“Yeah,” Pidge shot a dirty look at Lance, “but you guys all got together and went to the amusement park. That’s something to be upset about missing. Shiro’s love troubles are still going to be there when we see him in class in an hour.”

Shiro gave her a wry smile, “That’s reassuring.”

“Sorry, Shiro, but it’s not like this sort of thing gets resolved easily,” Pidge said, not sounding very sorry at all. “Haven’t you ever seen a romcom? It takes them almost the whole movie just to figure out they even like each other.”

“I don’t think movies are a very realistic example of a relationship,” Shiro said.

Pidge shrugged awkwardly, still leaning on one arm, “That’s the best I got.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Lance interrupted. “And you’d be surprised how accurate those movies can be.”

Keith snorted into his drink, “Somehow, I doubt that.”

At this point, Hunk returned with Pidge’s drink in one hand and a stack of baked goodies in individual bags carefully stacked in the other. He passed the cup to her and she took it from him, quickly downing a gulp of the scalding liquid. Hunk leaned over and let the food tumble down and spread across the table.

“I wasn’t sure if anyone else wanted anything so I went ahead and bought some extra stuff,” he explained. “Here, Keith, I know you didn’t eat anything.” Hunk picked up a bag with what looked to be a slice of bread in it and passed it to him. 

Keith mumbled a thanks, bowing his head and taking the bag.

Hunk gave him a smile and reached for one of the bags that had rolled near Shiro and then handed it to Pidge, “That one’s for you.”

She excitedly opened it, pulled out a chocolate chip muffin and took a huge bite out of it. She attempted to say “thank you” through the food but it came out more like “fan oo.”

He picked up two more bags and placed them in front of Lance and Shiro, who also thanked him. Then he straightened and went back to the counter where the barista handed him a cup filled with ice. He brought it back to the table and placed it down in front of Lance.

Lance started to slide over on the bench towards Pidge to give Hunk space to sit next to him, but she put out a hand to stop him.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “If you’re planning on discussing Shiro’s love life for the next half an hour then you better do it from the other side of the table.”

Lance scowled at her, “Is this any way to treat an amputee?”

She responded by giving him a shove and taking another bite of her muffin.

Lance pushed back against her hand but then slid the other direction and stood up to let Hunk in before he took his spot across from Shiro.

“Okay! Now, let’s get this started,” Lance said once everyone was settled.

“Alright, Lance,” Shiro responded. “Let’s hear what you’ve got for me.”

“Oh it’s some good stuff, I promise,” Lance grinned at him and threw him a quick wink. He leaned over, leaving his left hand attached to his new cup of ice, and opened Hunk’s bag with one hand. When he straightened, he looked at each person at the table and said, “I know I talked about this before but you all need to understand that this is a family secret and it must be treated with the respect it deserves. That means you can’t tell anyone about this or repeat any of the information hidden in here.”

Keith rolled his eyes again, “Yeah, okay.”

Pidge snorted a laugh, “Sure.”

Hunk merely nodded, he’d heard this before.

Shiro smiled, “Of course.”

Lance held each of their gazes for a moment before he smiled again, lifted an old leather journal and set it on the table with reverence.

“This is the book that has helped the past three generations of McClain’s find their one true love. And now I’m going to use it to help you,” Lance said to Shiro.

Hunk reached over to grab the tie keeping the book shut and Lance smacked his hand away.

“Not yet, Hunk!” Lance looked back to Shiro, “First of all, I have to ask: How serious are you about this girl?”

PIdge rolled her eyes, “Couldn’t you have asked him this yesterday?”

“Quiet in the peanut gallery,” Lance shot back.

Pidge grumbled a response under her breath, but it was ignored as Lance his attention back to Shiro.

Shiro, though, was staring hard at the table trying to come up with an answer, but eventually he had to just give up: “I don’t know.”

Lance looked at him incredulously, “What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”

It was Keith who answered him, “He’s never actually dated anyone before, so it’s probably hard to tell.”

Lance’s head snapped to Keith, “What? Are you serious?”

Keith just nodded and Lance looked at Shiro for confirmation, who also nodded.

“Well, that probably means that he’s pretty into her,” Hunk said, pulling out a croissant from one of the bags in front of him.

Lance frowned for a moment, “How the hell has SHIRO never dated? This doesn’t make any sense. I mean, just look at him!”

“It’s because Shiro’s too dense to tell when someone’s into him,” Keith supplied.

“Also, he and Matt were too busy with their secret nerd club to give dating a thought,” continued Pidge.

Shiro shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat and refused to make eye contact.

“I don’t want to hear about nerd clubs from you of all people, Pidge,” Lance leaned around Hunk to look at her.

“Excuse you? The research that we do is perfectly legitimate and very important to science as a whole.”

“Is that why you couldn’t get sponsorship to become an actual school club and there’s only one of you?”

“Wrong, Lance,” Pidge glared at him. “There’s two of us.”

“What? Who the hell would join your lame ‘aliens are real’ club?”

“They are real, Lance,” Keith argued.

“Oh, no…” Lance looked at him, “It’s contagious…”

“Anyway,” Keith glared at him, “how are you supposed to tell if they’re your ‘one true love’, anyway? Are you only supposed to use it on one person or what?”

“Sort of,” Lance responded. “Basically, you have to follow the book and if you can make it all the way to the end with one person, they’re supposed to be your soulmate.”

“Isn’t that how dating is supposed to work?” Pidge said between bites of muffin. Lance ignored her.

Shiro leaned over to eye the size of the journal, “That looks like a lot of, uh, information to follow.”

“No worries! It may be long but it’s guaranteed to work. I just inherited it from my sister. She’s engaged now,” Lance announced.

“Congratulations to her, then,” Shiro said. “But, Lance, how is it guaranteed to work if you’re just supposed to keep trying until it works?”

“Hm? Oh, it’s guaranteed to help you find a happily ever after, but not every person that you think is hot is ‘the one’, ya’know?” he explained.

“So, how is this supposed to help Shiro, then?” Pidge interrupted.

“Yeah, no offense Lance, but I’m not sure I’m ready to think about marriage or anything yet.”

Lance clucked his tongue at them, “The book is supposed to help you find ‘true love’ or whatever, but the rules are the same in the beginning.”

With that, Lance quickly undid the leather ties, using his injured hand to steady the book while his right hand pulled at the strings, and opened the cover, flipping past the first couple of pages with writing on them.

“Here we are. The bare basics of getting a date!”

Shiro leaned over a bit to look at the page upside down. It was written with several different pens and notes were all over the margins and in between the lines. Things were crossed out and added in and there were even a couple of torn sticky notes hanging off the page. Honestly, everything but the title was a garbled mess.

At one point, it had said “Top Ten Dating Rules” but the “Ten” had been crossed out and it looked like someone wrote 12 right above it, but that had also been scratched out.

Keith and Pidge leaned over the table to get a better look.

“Hunk, how much of this book did you say you read?” Pidge asked.

“Hmm… I think it was about half, why?”

“How did you read this? It’s a mess! It’s worse than Matt’s chicken scratch!”

“What?!” Lance exclaimed. “These are handwritten notes from my father and his father and his father! Not to mention the revisions made by my brother and sister!”

“It’s a mess, that’s what,” Keith repeated Pidge’s words, sitting back down.

“Lance, it is a bit difficult for everyone to read from,” Shiro interrupted before things got too heated, looking a bit lost as he tried reading upside down. “Why don’t you just read the first page out loud.”

“Fine,” Lance huffed. He used his right hand to lift the book so he could see it easier and resettled his left hand around the cup of ice.

“‘Top’, uhh, ‘Dating Rules’,” he started, stumbling over the crossed out word. “‘Rule number one: Be kind of a jerk. It makes you look confident and like you don’t care. But then be nice later so they know you’re actually sweet and that you care about them.’”

“What the fuck, Lance? That doesn’t even make sense.”

Lance glared at Keith for interrupting, “It makes perfect sense. You just have to think about it.”

Shiro shook his head, “I’m confused, too.”

“Haha, man, this dating stuff already sounds like more trouble than it’s worth,” Pidge laughed, “and that’s only rule number one!”

“Actually, it makes more sense if you combine it with the other rules,” Hunk said. “Especially, if you start reading the next few chapters.”

“Wait, are you saying there’s more than one chapter?” Keith questioned.

“Of course there are. You didn’t think it was just a book full of rules, did you?”

Keith looked back to Lance, “Actually I was expecting most of it to be blank. There’s no way someone came up with enough rules or tips or whatever about dating to fill the whole thing.”

Lance scoffed, “You would think that.” He turned back to the book in front of him and completely missed the glare Keith sent his way over the brim of his cup.

“Anyways. Rule number 2: Be Mysterious. Girls love tall, dark, and handsome.”

“False,” Pidge deadpanned.

“You don’t count,” Lance retorted.

“Hey, guys,” Hunk spoke up, cutting off Pidge’s reply, “we only have 15 minutes before astronomy and it usually takes us like 20 minutes to get to the other side of the campus.”

Shiro shook the confusion off his face and began to quickly pick his things up. “My car is parked right around the corner,” he said, holding up Hunk’s bag while Lance awkwardly scrambled around him to pack his book away and get out of the booth as fast as possible.

Hunk slung the bag over his shoulder and grabbed Lance’s cup of ice before he followed the other two towards the door where Keith was already walking through. He slowed down and turned his head to find the last member of their group but Pidge groaned from behind him and gave him a slight push towards the door.

As they began to turn the corner Lance pushed ahead and called “Shotgun!”

“I don’t think so. You sat up front yesterday,” Pidge argued.

Lance turned to face her and leaned against the front passenger door and grinned, “That’s the beauty of calling ‘shotgun’.”

“Lance, get in the back,” Shiro ordered as he walked around to the driver’s side.

Pidge laughed as she gestured for Hunk to take the front and then climbed into the middle seat.

Lance huffed but relented and slid in next to Pidge, bumping his injured hand into his bag and letting out a pathetic whine just as Shiro turned the key to start the ignition.

“Everyone better have their seatbelts on,” Shiro said just as the last door shut, checking his mirrors and windows for any pedestrians close to his car.

“Yes, mom,” Pidge mumbled loud enough for him to hear.

“Good,” was all the warning he gave before he quickly reversed and took off down the road with four mildly panicked college students gripping onto various objects to keep from being thrown around the inside of the vehicle.

\---

SirLancelot (12:12): ugh  
SirLancelot (12:12): i still feel awful  
SirLancelot (12:13): did u haev to drive liek a maniac  
shut up lance (12:14): he wouldntve had to do that if you didnt make us all wake up for your stupid meeting  
shut up lance (12:14): which also accomplished nothing by the way  
BeachHunk (12:14): i agree with lance  
BeachHunk (12:15): was that really necessary  
SirLancelot (12:16): 1st of all  
SirLancelot (12:16): “wouldntve”???  
SirLancelot (12:16): y cant u just type like a normal person  
aaabaaajss (12:17): thats rich coming from you  
SirLancelot (12:17): 2nd of all  
SirLancelot (12:17): shut up pidge  
SirLancelot (12:18): 2nd of all..  
SirLancelot (12:18): we culdve been more productive if u guys culd be quiet  
aaabaaajss (12:19): if you didnt want our commentary then why bother making us be there  
SirLancelot (12:19): well excuse me 4 tring to include my friends  
Space Cowboy (12:20): Guys  
Space Cowboy (12:20): We are literally in the middle of class  
Space Cowboy (12:20): Can’t you complain later?  
aaabaaajss (12:21): but shiro it wont mean as much if we dont do it now  
SirLancelot (12:21): yea shiro  
shut up lance (12:21): yeah Shiro  
BeachHunk (12:21): yeah shiro  
Space Cowboy (12:22): I’m going to mark all of you down on participation  
SirLancelot (12:22): ohh nooo  
SirLancelot (12:22): the terrifying powers of a ta  
Space Cowboy (12:23): You may be Coran’s favorite but that won’t save your grade  
Space Cowboy (12:23): He’s already noticed you 4 staring at your computers  
SirLancelot (12:24): hey!  
SirLancelot (12:24): i am paying attention!!  
shut up lance (12:24): some of us are actually taking notes  
Space Cowboy (12:25): You’re drawing scribbles on a sheet of paper and you haven’t looked at the board since you sat down  
BeachHunk (12:25): wooaahhhh  
BeachHunk (12:26): shiro how’d you know that  
Space Cowboy (12:26): This may surprise some of you  
Space Cowboy (12:27): But I have eyes  
Space Cowboy (12:27): And they work  
aaabaaajss (12:27): woah no way  
Space Cowboy (12:27): And it’s part of my job to watch all of you to make sure you’re paying attention  
shut up lance (12:28): so who’re we supposed to tell when you’re spending all your time distracting your students by chatting with them online  
Space Cowboy (12:28): Me.  
Space Cowboy (12:28): Also I’m taking off 5 points for sassing the TA.  
SirLancelot (12:29): hahahaha  
SirLancelot (12:29): sux to be u keith  
Space Cowboy (12:30): Actually I’m taking 5 points from all of you.  
SirLancelot (12:30): WHAT  
aaabaaajss (12:30): meh  
shut up lance (12:30): whatever  
aaabaaajss (12:30): it was worth it  
BeachHunk (12:31): this system is rigged  
Space Cowboy (12:31): Now you’re catching on  
Space Cowboy (12:32): Now pay attention to the lecture.  
SirLancelot (12:32): AFTER ALL IM DOING TO HELP YOU  
shut up lance (12:33): umm  
shut up lance (12:33): what exactly have you done to help him?  
shut up lance (12:34): so far you’ve only managed to humiliate him  
shut up lance (12:34): and then give him 2 very vague and confusing rules  
SirLancelot (12:34): listen  
SirLancelot (12:34): just because your too dnese to understand the complexities of human mating rituals  
SirLancelot (12:35): doesnt mean that other poepl are too  
aaabaaajss (12:35): oh my god  
shut up lance (12:35): it really isnt that complicated  
shut up lance (12:36): you’re just so bad at it that you have prescribed all these rules to help comfort yourself with the idea that if you follow these easy steps then you’ll be guaranteed to get a date

There was a strangled yell of “WHAT!” as Lance shot up from his chair, eyes still locked on his phone.

“Is there something you want to share with the class, Lance?” Coran asked, switching mid-sentence from his lecture.

Lance looked up, eyes wide with realization, to where Coran was writing on the whiteboard about the classifications of stars. He stood there in silence for a moment as his brain tried to catch up with reality. The class stared at him with varying expressions of surprise, with the exception of the members of the group chat. Lance ignored the stifled giggles of Pidge and Hunk shifting uncomfortably next to him with his face hidden in his hands.

He glanced at Keith who was currently staring at the wall, seemingly unruffled by the entire situation, and had to forcibly smooth the expression on his face. If Keith could play it cool, then so could Lance. Still... he glanced to Shiro next who was of even less help. He was simply watching Lance with an expression that clearly said “told you so”.

“Oh, well, y’know,” Lance began haltingly, “it’s just that, I mean, star classifications are just so interesting.”

Coran raised an eyebrow, “Oh, is that so?”

“Well, duh,” Lance slid comfortably into his lie, “I never really thought about before today. But, really, if you think about it, it’s crazy how many different kinds of stars there are.”

“Mmhmm,” Coran agreed, still not buying it.

“Really,” Lance continued. If he just kept going, he knew he could talk his way out of this, “for centuries, humans didn’t even know what stars are. Like, what they’re made of, how they’re born, how they die, let alone what happens in between all that. I just think it’s amazing how now we know enough to actually classify them into different types based on their size and what they’re made of and stuff.”

Lance hoped that was enough because he was starting to out of steam here.

Fortunately for him, Coran let him off the hook with a bright smile, “Right you are, Lance! But despite all that we know, there is still so much left to learn.” And with that he turned back around to finish writing the names of star types, and Lance sat back down with a relieved sigh.

aaabaaajss (12:42): i cant tell if this is the worst day of my life or the best

Lance scowled at the chatroom open on his phone and turned the screen off, determined to spend the rest of class ignoring his so-called friends. Instead, he listened to Coran’s rambly lecture and very pointedly did not look at any other students. Which he mostly succeeded at, although he did consider folding a paper football and launching it at Keith’s head who was sitting a row in front diagonal to him. 

In the last 15 minutes, Coran’s marker ran out and Lance prayed that meant the end of class. Sitting here and fuming was making him antsier than usual. His luck ran short on that, though, because Coran just asked Shiro to get another one out of the drawer of the desk that he’s been sitting at.

As Lance resigned himself to lecture running longer than scheduled, again, the door cracked open and a woman walked in. Lance barely paid any attention, too busy wallowing in his own misery, but he didn’t miss the way Shiro’s eyes flew open and how he tripped majestically over his own feet, sending the marker rolling across the floor. 

It stopped at the feet of the very same girl that they encountered yesterday. She reached down to pick it up from where lay next to her strappy heels.

Lance sat straight up in his chair. He could see Hunk and Pidge suddenly change their focus from their computers to the scene playing out at the front of the classroom. He couldn’t tell if Keith was watching, but he expected that he was.

“Woah there, Shiro!” Coran reached down to help his T.A. back to his feet. “You gotta watch your step,” he said as he pulled him up, apparently oblivious to the intense blush now covering Shiro’s face.

With Shiro back on two feet, Coran turned to the newcomer.

“Ah! Allura, it’s good to see you!”

Lance could see Pidge reopen the group chat and start typing from the corner of his eye but he refused to look away to find out what she was saying. He regretted only getting through the first 2 rules that morning and now he could only pray that Shiro could remember what he told him.

The woman smiled at Coran and Lance felt his heartbeat quicken. It was obvious why Shiro had a thing for her. She was like a fairytale princess in perfect wingtip eyeliner and designer shoes.

Lance was a little jealous. If it was anyone other than one of his friends, he would’ve flirted with her for real.

“Class,” Coran addressed his students, “this is Allura, my niece. Allura, this is my Astronomy 101 class.”

Lance glanced over to meet Pidge’s look of amusement with one of his own.

“And,” Coran turned to Shiro, “this is my T.A., Shiro.”

This was it, the moment of truth. Lance focused all his attention on Shiro.

Shiro… who stood there a little awkwardly, blush still staining his cheeks, and struggling to make eye contact with Allura. It was hard to watch, but Lance stubbornly kept his eyes trained on the scene unfolding. Hunk could only peek through his fingers at his side.

“Hello, Shiro. It’s nice to meet you,” she said with the coldness of an arctic blizzard.

Lance bit into his thumb. Letting her speak first was a bad move, he thought at Shiro.

“Ah, yes. It’s nice to meet you, too,” Shiro replied with politeness, even as he struggled to overcome his embarrassment. “Sorry for the dramatic marker rolling,” he attempted a smile. It almost looked painful.

Lance had to fight every urge in his body to drop his head into his hands.

Allura narrowed her eyes like she was measuring him and held out the marker, “I can only imagine you must have been performing a demonstration about gravity for your students.” She must have come to some conclusion, but whether it was good or bad was completely beyond Lance.

Shiro gave a stiff chuckle, “of course,” and took the marker carefully as if he were afraid of dropping it again.

Allura met Coran’s eyes for a moment before heading over to an empty desk near the door where she placed her laptop bag and sat regally.

Shiro stood there for another moment watching her walk away before he came back to his senses. He quickly passed the marker to Coran and retreated back to his desk. He slid into his chair and fixed his eyes on the computer screen.

“Well, students,” Coran broke through the awkward atmosphere that had settled over the room, looking up at the clock on the wall, “it looks like class is just about over, so I’ll just write down the reading homework for next time and then you all will be free to go.”

There was a small cheer that rose up from the students and, now that the show was over, Lance opened up the group chat.

aaabaaajss (13:02): nevermind  
aaabaaajss (13:02): this is definitely the best day  
aaabaaajss (13:03): i guess we know her name now  
shut up lance (13:04): shiro could you be any more painful to watch  
aaabaaajss (13:04): he could be acting like lance  
shut up lance (13:04): please dont do that  
BeachHunk (13:04): should we like?  
BeachHunk (13:05): help him??  
BeachHunk (13:05): or something?????  
aaabaaajss (13:05): how??  
BeachHunk (13:06): idk???  
BeachHunk (13:06): one of us could stand up and shout “touchdown!!”  
BeachHunk (13:06): or something??  
aaabaaajss (13:06): i think its a little too late for that  
shut up lance (13:07): and so ends the most awkward exchange ever known to mankind  
aaabaaajss (13:07): rip shiro  
shut up lance (13:07): at least he didnt try to use any of lance’s “tips”  
aaabaaajss (13:07): lol yeah  
SirLancelot (13:08): at least im trying to help  
SirLancelot (13:08): if you guys think you can do better than maybe you should give it a shot  
aaabaaajss (13:09): sorry my people skills are limited to snarky criticism and obscure internet jokes  
shut up lance (13:09): maybe i will  
SirLancelot (13:09): …..  
SirLancelot (13:09): oh my crow  
SirLancelot (13:10): you havE GOT TO BE JOKING  
shut up lance (13:10): im not  
shut up lance (13:10): anyone could do better than what you’re doing  
SirLancelot (13:10): OH YEAH???  
BeachHunk (13:10): hey guys,, class is over

Lance looked up from his phone and, sure enough, half of the class had left already and the rest were packing their bags. He scrambled to stuff his laptop and books back into his backpack before he hurried to catch up with Keith on his way out the door.

“Hey!”

Keith turned, the annoyance clear on his face. “What? You know I have another class starting in 15 minutes.”

Lance waved away his complaint. “You can’t actually be serious, right? About helping Shiro?”

“Yeah, I am. Why?” Keith hiked his bag higher on his shoulder.

“Well,” Lance scoffed, “you’re not exactly the most socially graceful person.”

Keith glared at him, “And you got your head stuck in a bucket in front of 200 people last week. So, I don’t see how you are any more qualified to help Shiro than I am.”

“That was a fluke!” Lance protested, face flushing at the reminder.

Keith just looked at him, thoroughly unimpressed.

“Anyways,” Lance continued, “there’s no way that you can do any better.”

“Oh, yeah? We’ll see about that,” Keith said with a note of finality before turning around and continuing on his way to his next class.

Lance scowled at his back as he walked away and, once he was out the door, he turned around to find the rest of his group.

Pidge and Hunk were just catching up to him but their eyes were still on Shiro who was very slowly putting away his own stuff. It was pretty obvious that he was watching Coran and Allura chatting near the whiteboard out of the corner of his eye. There was no way that he could make a quick escape without being noticed. His desk was on the opposite side of the room from the door and he would have to walk right past them before he could disappear into the crowd.

Usually, Shiro would talk to Coran after class about how lecture went and discuss what topics need to be covered more in depth next time. It was a routine they established last spring when he became Coran’s T.A. The rest of them wouldn’t normally wait around since both Lance and Keith had afternoon classes to get to.

“Should we help him?” Hunk said as he joined Lance near the door.

“Yeah,” replied Pidge, “I think he’s suffered enough today.”

They made their way to Shiro’s desk and between the three of them managed to make up a question about the material that needed to be answered on the go so Lance could make it to his next class. Shiro breathed sigh of relief and gave a quick wave to Coran as he was escorted to the door, very carefully avoiding eye contact with Allura.

“Ah! Yes! See you on Thursday!” Coran hastily goodbyed.

The tension that clung to Shiro fell away the moment the door shut behind them and he leaned onto Hunk for a moment.

“Thanks, guys.”

“No problem,” Pidge answered easily.

“Okay, Shiro,” Lance turned around to face the others, “what the heck was that?”

Shiro looked up from where he had rested his head on Hunk’s shoulder.

“You forgot all 2 rules that I told you this morning!”

“Ahh, sorry Lance,” Shiro said with genuine regret. “I’m not very good at this.”

Lance let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, it’s fine. We can work on it. I’m a master at coming back after screwing up. I’ll see if I can pass on some wisdom,” he grinned at Shiro, hoping to cheer him up.

“You? Making a comeback?” Pidge snorted.

“Yeah,” he gave her a dirty look, “like a cat always landing on its feet.”

“More like a turtle being flipped onto its back,” she countered.

Shiro let out a chuckle as he shifted his weight off of Hunk and straightened. “Okay, guys. Let’s calm down here.”

Lance opened and then closed his mouth without saying anything but, in the end, he decided he had to have some form of the last word and stuck his tongue out at Pidge.

“Lance,” Shiro chided, “don’t you have class starting soon?”

He quickly glanced down to the phone in his hand to check the time.

“Oh, shit. You’re right.” Lance starting moving towards the side doors of the building. “I’ll catch you nerds online.”

“And we’re gonna catch some lunch,” Hunk said, waving at Lance.

“Hell, yeah,” Pidge agreed enthusiastically.

“You comin’, Shiro? Or do you have work to do today?”

“Well, I…” he thought about the research he needed to have done, the paper he needed to start drafting, and the reading homework he had to complete.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” he decided. All that stuff could wait another couple of hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyy catch me on tumblr @ lance-legstrong.tumblr.com


	3. Crash Course - Phone Numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which shiro's suffering is finally rewarded
> 
> thanks as always to the wonderful pearlgirl710 for cleaning up my word vomit into something presentable <3

“Hey, Hunk, which filter do you think I should use?” Lance held his phone up and turned it around for Hunk to see. He was lying on his back in Hunk’s bed, close to the desk where his roommate was working on some history homework.

 

Hunk leaned over in his chair, angling his head awkwardly to look at Lance’s phone.

 

Lance flicked his finger across the screen a couple of times, scrolling through the different filters.

 

“Hmm..” Hunk narrowed his eyes at the shifting colors. “Well, do you feel more blue or yellow today?”

 

Turning the screen downwards, Lance glared at his selfie. “You’re a lot of help,” he mumbled sarcastically. Fingers tapping on the screen, he decided that he was feeling more blue and tapped on the filter. Blue always made his eyes pop.

 

With that issue settled, Hunk turned back to his homework, frowning at the paper. Concentration broken, he stared right through the words and instead thought about the events from the last couple of days.

 

“Hey, Lance?”

 

“Yeah?” he replied absently, still engrossed in editing his selfie before he posted it to Instagram.

 

“Do you really think that you can help Shiro?”

 

“Oh, not you too!” Lance nearly dropped his phone on his face as he flipped himself over to glare at Hunk. “You think I can’t do it!”

 

“It’s not like that!” Hunk realized his words were probably poorly chosen, but it was too late to take them back now. “It’s just that this lady seems like a really tough customer. Like, you would have trouble getting a date with her. _That_ difficult.”

 

Lance was almost twice as offended by that, but he couldn’t deny it was true.

 

“And if you would have so much trouble, and you’re the one here with all the knowledge and experience, wouldn’t that mean that Shiro is practically doomed from the start?”

 

Lance crossed his legs and thought quietly for a moment.

 

“Hm. Yeah, I see what you’re saying,” he said slowly. “But it’s not impossible. Shiro’s got a lot going for him already, he just needs some training to get the other stuff down.” He looked up at Hunk, grinning. “I just figured out what we’re gonna do tonight.”

 

“I’m guessing it isn’t ‘stay in our room and finish our homework’?” Hunk asked wistfully.

 

“How can you think of homework at a time like this? Shiro has class with Allura again tomorrow morning and he needs our help!” Lance quickly uploaded the selfie and opened the group chat.

 

_SirLancelot changed their username to Prof.McClain_

 

Prof.McClain (16:46): hey shiro

Prof.McClain (16:46): r u busy

Prof.McClain (16:46): ?

shut up lance (16:47): what do you want now?

Prof.McClain (16:47): r u shiro?

Prof.McClain (16:47): no.

Prof.McClain (16:47): so sHUT IT

SpaceCowboy (16:47): What is it Lance

Prof.McClain (16:47): WELL

Prof.McClain (16:47): i was thinking

Prof.McClain (16:48): about how you have class with the Alluring Lady Allura tom

Prof.McClain (16:48): adn how you totally froze up earlier

Prof.McClain (16:48): and so i was thinking that we should get together tonight for a crash course in picking up girls

SpaceCowboy (16:49): Are you talking about going out to a bar tonight?

SpaceCowboy (16:49): It’s Tuesday night and I have class in the morning

SpaceCowboy (16:49): not to mention the grading I have to do before Thu

Prof.McClain (16:49): cmon shiro! live a little!!!

Prof.McClain (16:49): ure never gonna get a date like this!

shut up lance (16:49): i hate to say it, but i agree with lance

Prof.McClain (16:50): thnk u keith

SpaceCowboy (16:50): …..

Space Cowboy (16:50): does it have to be tonight?

shut up lance (16:50): when else? you have class with her tomorrow morning.

Space Cowboy (16:50): …

Space Cowboy (16:51): alright

aaabaaajss (16:51): aLRIGHT LETS GET FUCKIN WASTED

SpaceCowboy (16:51): YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY ALCOHOL TONIGHT.

SpaceCowboy (16:51): TOMORROW IS A SCHOOL DAY.

aaabaaajss (16:52): dammit mom

aaabaaajss (16:52): dont be sucha stick in the mud

SpaceCowboy (16:52): My decision is final.

Prof.McClain (16:52): lol shut down

BeachHunk (16:52): uh what time are we getting back?

BeachHunk (16:52): cuz idk about you guys but i still havent finished the reading comprehension for history tomorrow

Prof.McClain (16:53): just bring it with you

BeachHunk (16:53): to the bar??

aaabaaajss (16:53): yea just do it

aaabaaajss (16:53): ill bring mine too and we can work on it in between laughing at lance and keith

Prof.McClain (16:53): ?? rudE MUCH???

shut up lance (16:53): says the nerd who’s bringing her homework to a bar.

Prof.McClain (16:53): YEAH

SpaceCowboy (16:54): Sigh.

SpaceCowboy (16:54): I guess you guys should get ready then.

SpaceCowboy (16:54): I’ll leave in a few minutes to pick you all up

aaabaaajss (16:54): did you really type out the word “sigh” omg

SpaceCowboy (16:54): Okay I’m getting ready to leave now.

Prof.McClain (16:55): kay

aaabaaajss (16:55): k

SpaceCowboy (16:56): ….

SpaceCowboy (16:56): okay. I’m not leaving until someone says it.

aaabaaajss (16:56): uGH

Prof.McClain (16:56): r u for real

shut up lance (16:56): why are you like this.

BeachHunk (16:57): ?? do you mean ?

BeachHunk (16:57): see you space cowboy

BeachHunk (16:57): ?

SpaceCowboy (16:57): :)

Prof.McClain (16:57): i cant beleive this

 

\-----

 

“Shiro, I can’t believe you wore your nerdy T.A. sweater to a _bar_ ,” Lance scolded him the moment they sat down at a table in one of the dark corners.

 

“What else did you expect?” Shiro gave him an incredulous look. “This is what I’ve been wearing all day.”

 

“It’s not like this is even a real bar, Lance, just get over it,” Pidge said setting up her laptop on the table.

 

It was true, though. The only one old enough to get into actual bars around here was Shiro, so they usually made do with the bar areas in restaurants instead. Tonight’s location was one they didn’t usually frequent, called _Sienna_. It was a nice, locally-owned restaurant that was extremely popular among the students and was therefore usually packed. Tonight was pretty busy for a Tuesday night by most other restaurant standards, but this was considered average here.

 

“You can’t pick up anybody at a _bar_ ,” Lance glared at Pidge, “if you look like a librarian.” He spied Keith staring at the sweater. “See? Keith agrees with me.”

 

“Yeah,” Keith agreed, still considering Shiro’s outfit.

 

“Should I just take it off?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Keith repeated. “And then put your jacket over it.”

 

“What? No. That’s a terrible idea!” Lance argued. “That shirt? With a leather jacket? I don’t think so.” He shook his head in disbelief. “That just screams ‘douchebag’.”

 

Keith frowned in annoyance. “Oh, yeah? Then what’s your idea?”

 

Lance took a moment to consider his clothes and the possible combinations. He was quiet for so long that Shiro began to fidget under his scrutiny.

 

“Well, you’re kind of stuck, I guess,” Lance eventually decided. “The shirt would look terrible on its own, but the jacket is overkill. And none of us have anything that would fit you. Maybe just - here…” He stood and leaned over the table to fuss with Shiro’s dark hair, pushing the strands around for a more casual look.

 

“You made a big deal about the sweater and then you’re just going to leave it?” Keith asked, frustration coloring his voice.

 

“It’s not like he’s got any other choices right now,” he shot back.

 

“Hey, Pidge, where’d you find the answer for number 4?” Hunk suddenly spoke up.

 

“I can’t believe you two nerds are actually doing your history homework right now,” Lance said.

 

“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” Pidge replied as she scrolled through her homework to find the answer to Hunk’s question. “Page 112, by the way.”

 

Hunk turned back to his e-reader, typed in the number and began scanning the text there.

 

Lance shared a look with Keith before they both rolled their eyes.

 

A bartender approached their table and they ordered a big sampler platter of appetizers to snack on.

 

“Okay, then.” Lance turned back towards the group, reached into the oversized pockets of his jacket and pulled out the journal of dating tips.

 

“Ugh,” Keith groaned. “Not that again.”

 

“Yes,” Lance glaring at him, “This again.”

 

Shiro sighed tiredly. This was far from the relaxing evening at home that he had originally intended for himself. “Lance, the two rules you read this morning were a little confusing. Are there any practical examples? Or additional information?”

 

He grinned and opened the book to the proper page. “I’m so glad you asked. There’s all sorts of tips and stuff in here. I’ll finish reading the list and then we can put it into action.”

 

Keith opened his mouth to snap something at Lance again but Shiro cut him off.

 

“Then we can hear what you have to say, Keith.”

 

Keith shut his mouth without saying a word and crossed his arms, leaning back into the cushion of the booth and grimaced.

 

“Alright,” Lance said excitedly, “so Rule 1 was to be a jerk without actually being a jerk and Rule 2 was to be mysterious. So, Rule number 3 is ‘Complement sparingly but be unique. The more attractive she is, the more often she hears it.’ And then there’s a list of suggested compliments, but we can come back to that later.” He put his finger on the page to follow as he read.

 

“Rule 4 is ‘Hit on her less attractive friend. This will make her jealous and she’ll try to get your attention.’

 

‘Rule 5: Look good but not like you’re trying.’

 

‘Rule 6: Wait 3 days to call. Less than that looks desperate. More means they might slip away.’ There’s notes here on texting, too, from my sister.

 

Rule 7 is to keep your options open and date as many people as you can-”

 

“Isn’t that called ‘cheating’?” Keith cut in.

 

“It is if you’re officially in a relationship,” Lance retorted. “Fortunately, the rule says right here that this only applies if you aren’t. Which I was about to say when you interrupted me.”

 

Keith fell silent again.

 

Lance looked back down at the book. “Now, where was I? Okay, Rule number 8 is ‘Show her how strong you are by fixing things or lifting heavy things for her.’ - Not really relevant to the bar scene unless the bartender doesn’t open her beer bottle or something.

 

‘Rule 9: Confidence attracts women even more than good looks.’

 

‘Rule 10: Reject them the first time.’

 

‘Rule 11: Don’t agree to anything that weekend if it’s later than Tuesday. Even if you’re free.’

 

‘Rule 12: Take turns starting conversations and don’t double text.’

 

‘Rule 13: Use the phone only to set up dates. Not to talk about weather, current events, how her day went, etc.’

 

‘Rule 14: Anytime you make eye contact with a beautiful woman, keep looking at her - make her break it first.’

 

‘Rule 15-”

 

“How many more of these are there?” Pidge interrupted.

 

Lance made a face at her. “This is the last one.”

 

“ _Thank God_.”

 

“Anyways,” Lance continued, giving her another annoyed look. “Rule number 15 is ‘Don’t be the one to say “I love you” first.”

 

The table was quiet for a moment while everyone took in the information. Or, in Hunk’s case, while they concentrated on reading their textbook.

 

“Can I speak now?” Keith finally asked.

 

“Yeah, what is it?” Lance replied.

 

“That’s all a bunch of bullshit.”

 

“WHAT?-”

 

“Except for the last one. I agree with that.”

 

Lance settled a bit but he still gave Keith a dirty look. “At least we can agree on some things.” He turned to Shiro, who was looking rather confused. “You got all that?”

 

“I… Maybe..?” Shiro said uncertainly. “That’s a lot to remember.”

 

“And that’s why you need to practice.” Lance flipped the page and skimmed through another list of information. “Yeah, I think we have enough to at least get you started. Now we just need to pick a girl.” He looked up and scanned the faces of the people sitting at the other tables.

 

He was interrupted by their food arriving.

 

“Maybe we should go over the list again?” Shiro suggested, taking a mozzarella stick and dipping it into the marinara sauce.

 

“The only way to learn this stuff is to actually do it, Shiro.” Lance finally looked back to him. “Okay, I found this really pretty girl at the bar. Dark brown hair, in the green shirt.”

 

Shiro turned to look at her but was stopped by Lance’s arm shooting out.

 

“NO! Don’t look at her!”

 

“How’s he supposed to flirt with her if he’s not allowed to look at her?” Keith pointed out. “Besides, wasn’t making eye contact part of your rules?”

 

“Yes!” Lance turned on him. “But you don’t want to make eye contact before you’re ready.” He looked back to Shiro. “Okay, do you know what to do?”

 

“Um, not really…” Shiro admitted slowly.

 

“That’s okay,” Lance said, trying to reassure him. “Remember: be confident, make eye contact, and give her one unique compliment - no more than that. Ask questions but don’t offer up any information about yourself. Make her work to find out more about you.”

 

“Alright, I can remember that,” Shiro said, sounding more convinced. “How am I supposed to know if I did it right?”

 

“Well, the first step to dating somebody is to get their phone number. So if you get that, then you did it right.”

 

“I think I can do that.” Shiro gave a small smile and slid out from the booth.

 

“Wait,” Lance stopped him. He waved Shiro to his side of the table, fluffed his hair and pulled his sweater straight. “Okay, you’re good. Go get that number.”

 

Shiro stepped away from the table and looked over to the end of the bar where a girl matching Lance’s description was sitting alone. He glanced back to Lance who gave him a nod and a thumb’s up. He returned the gesture and made his way over to the empty barstool next to the brown-haired girl.

 

“It’s not going to work,” Keith said the moment Shiro was out of earshot, around a mouthful of onion ring.

 

“What? You think he can’t do it?” Lance accused without taking his eyes off of Shiro.

 

“No. He can do it. Just not following your stupid rules.” Keith was also watching Shiro carefully. They couldn’t see his expression from this angle but he was approaching the target now.

 

“And somehow you know better?” he argued, grabbing a hot wing.

 

“Maybe I don’t have handwritten notes passed down to me or anything, but I know that I would hate being the one on the receiving end of this stupid game you created.”

 

The girl was now smiling at Shiro and gesturing for him to sit in the empty stool next to her.

 

“It’s not stupid if it works.”

 

Shiro was blocking their view of the girl so all they could see was the back of his head and her arm when she gestured as she talked.

 

“There are plenty of other ways to get dates without manipulating people into it.”

 

“You’re just mad because you’ve never been asked out.”

 

“Would you two cool it so we can actually get something done over here?” Pidge interrupted, not looking up from her laptop.

 

Lance and Keith looked away from Shiro to glare at each other, but they both quieted.

 

Turning back, they watched as Shiro stood with the girl, she gathered her things, and walked with her towards the door. The two were completely out of sight for nearly two minutes, leading Lance to excitedly assume that Shiro had scored big tonight and then immediately panic because that meant they would have to walk back to the dorms.

 

Fortunately for them, Shiro reappeared with a smile on his face and he slid back into his spot next to Keith.

 

“I guess that went well,” Lance said smugly. “Did you get her number?”

 

Shiro looked down at the table for a moment. “Well, no. I gave her mine instead.”

 

“What? Shiro!”

 

“She said she’d text me!” he protested.

 

“Ugh, that’s a big mistake!” Lance carefully put his face in his hands to avoid getting hot sauce everywhere. “You’re never going to hear from her again if you don’t get it immediately!”

 

Shiro’s phone made a dinging sound and he pulled it out of his pocket to put it on the table in front of him. He had 1 new text message from a number that he didn’t have saved. Opening the app, he read it with Keith peering over his shoulder and then he turned around so Lance could see.

 

(***) ***-**** (7:06pm)

_Hey! This is Gina. Thanks so much for walking me out to my car. Maybe we can get together for drinks sometime?_

 

“Looks like you got lucky,” Lance admitted grudgingly. “How did the rest of the conversation go?”

 

“She was really nice. Archeology major. Really into dinosaurs and Doctor Who. She was really funny, too. Apparently, she stopped here on her way home to see if her friend was working tonight.”

 

“Shiro,” Lance interjected, “I meant was she into you? Were you paying attention to her body language? How did she respond to the tips I gave you?”

 

“Oh, I…” Shiro trailed off. “I kind of… forgot. I made sure to make eye contact, of course. And I complimented her Tardis purse, and then we started talking about our favorite episodes.”

 

“You’re not supposed to be bonding over nerdy TV shows! You’re supposed to be getting her number!”

 

“He got it, though.” Keith pointed out.

 

“Yeah, it worked _this_ time, but that’s not how it’s _supposed_ to go.”

 

Shiro frowned. “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Lance. What did I do wrong?”

 

“You gotta be cool, suave, mysterious. Impress her with your manly confidence and lead her through the conversation without saying anything about yourself.”

 

“What are you even saying?” Keith asked, getting frustrated with Lance’s vague advice.

 

“It makes perfect sense!” Lance argued.

 

“Okay, you know what? We’re going to try it my way, now,” Keith said with finality.

 

“Fine! Let’s see what you’ve got!” Lance folded his arms and fell back against the cushion, imitating Keith’s earlier pose.

 

“Fine!” Keith repeated before turning to Shiro who was now looking particularly uncomfortable. “First of all, take off the stupid sweater and put your jacket on.” He grabbed the jacket from where it had been left in the space on the bench between him and Shiro and held it up.

 

Shiro frowned again, but obeyed and took the sweater off.

 

“I can’t believe you guys are actually going to have some sort of war over who can give the worst dating advice,” Pidge commented. “Hunk, focus.”

 

Hunk was hunched over his paper and e-reader but he hadn’t written anything in the past 10 minutes because he had been too preoccupied with watching this go down. At Pidge’s scolding he turned back to frowning at his answers and absently chewing on his pencil.

 

“Okay,” Keith continued, ignoring Pidge, “see that girl over there?”

 

He pointed to a girl sitting alone at a table, drink in front of her, staring at her phone. She was dressed in a slim black dress and her hair had been done up with a sparkly hairclip.

 

“Yeah?” Shiro said as he shrugged his jacket on.

 

“You just gotta walk over and tell her she looks really pretty tonight and then ask for her number. It’s that simple.”

 

Shiro frowned again. “That’s it?”

 

Keith nodded. “Yeah, that’s it.”

 

“Well, okay. I’ll give it a shot,” he said standing again.

 

They watched him walk over to the table with the girl. Once again, his back was to them, so they couldn’t see his face, but this time they could see the blonde girl in the black dress. She replied to him, but she wasn’t smiling at Shiro’s supposed compliment.

 

Shiro sat down in the empty chair at the table, blocking them from seeing her.

 

Resigned to waiting, Keith and Lance slowly ate their way through most of the platter and waved one of the staff over to order a second one. Pidge finished her homework and began helping Hunk with his.

 

Nearly 10 minutes later, Shiro stood again and handed the girl her sweater before walking her towards the door. They only managed a quick peek at her as she walked by. Her face was red and her makeup was a little messy but she was smiling up at Shiro.

 

When he returned to the table, he was smiling again. Not quite as bright as he was the first time, but he placed a napkin on the table with a phone number and a name on it.

 

“So, what happened? What took so long” Keith questioned immediately.

 

“She was stood up by her date,” Shiro said, turning serious. “She was pretty upset, so I let her talk through it.”

 

“Well, that was really nice of you,” he said a little awkwardly. His advice hadn’t accounted for someone who was having love troubles too. “At least you got her number, though.”

 

“Actually, I didn’t ask her for it,” Shiro corrected. “She just gave it to me right before she left.”

 

Keith frowned. Since he didn’t really follow any of Keith’s advice, it was hard to say if his was any better than Lance’s. Not that Shiro had followed any of his advice either. So, really, neither of them was doing better than the other. He glanced at Lance, who was grinning like he realized that Shiro didn’t use any of his advice either.

 

“Okay then, guess that means it’s my turn again,” he said.

 

\-----

 

After last night’s crash course in getting phone numbers, Shiro was feeling pretty confident in his chances with Allura.

 

Well, more confident than he was when he saw her yesterday.

 

Which was good because after his rather embarrassing fall in Astronomy class he needed all the confidence he could get. He wasn’t sure if it was going to be enough to impress her after that but it was a start.

 

Also, he failed to properly follow most of the advice that Lance or Keith gave him last night.

 

He still came home that night with 5 new numbers saved in his phone and 3 new Facebook friends, so he assumed he did something right.

 

After a series of accidents this morning that nearly caused him to be late to class, he figured that today was just not going to be his day and that he should put off trying to talk to Allura until he saw her again in class next week. Besides, he kinda hoped that she would forget all about how he tripped over his own feet by then.

 

Lance, however, seemed to have other ideas.

 

He was awake unusually early for a Wednesday and had been messaging Shiro for the past hour. Asking questions like “what is she wearing?” and “is she ignoring you?”, then following it up with more advice. “Dont avoid her”, “make sure you brushed your hair this mornign”, and “show off by answering all the teachers questions”.

 

Shiro was grateful that Lance was trying so hard to help, he really was, but he just wanted a break from dealing with this for a few hours. He made an effort to not seem like he was trying to avoid her, but, honestly, hiding in bed all day was much more appealing right now.

 

Through most of class, she had avoided looking directly at him, which made his life a lot easier. If she didn’t acknowledge his presence then that meant he could disappear at the end of class without making it obvious he was running away.

 

Unfortunately for him, the moment class ended, she was right there. He had quickly packed his bag, turned around and froze when he saw her walking towards him. Any thoughts of escape were thrown out now that she had made eye contact.

 

He forced the panic from his mind and tried to remember anything that his friends had told him last night.

 

_Okay, make direct eye contact - got that._

 

 _Be confident._ He shifted his weight and adjusted the bag on his shoulder to stand more comfortably.

 

He hoped his hair still looked okay. He hadn’t looked at since he left his apartment.

 

_What else did they say?_

 

It didn’t matter. She was standing right in front of him now.

 

What should he say? Should he apologize? For the incident at the parking lot? For the marker thing yesterday? No, no, that was stupid.

 

“You’re Shiro, correct?” Allura asked, voice devoid of any particular emotion.

 

“Uh, yeah,” he said, coming back to himself after getting distracting by the blue of her eyes.

 

_Lance told you not to let her speak first. Bad move, Shiro._

 

Her eyes narrowed at him for the second time in as many days and Shiro could not figure out if she was angry or if there was something else going on in her head.

 

“Were you not the one who catcalled me in the parking lot on Monday?”

 

He wanted to defend himself by telling her it wasn’t actually him, but he didn’t want to throw Lance under the bus like that. Besides, she wasn’t likely to believe that it was his friend and was more likely to think he was lying to her.

 

“I… Yeah, that was me,” he admitted. “I’m sorry about that.”

 

She didn’t respond. She continued to observe him carefully for a long moment, leaving him free to wonder if that was a good enough apology. Maybe he should have just denied it? Would she have believed that?

 

She was so pretty when she was thinking hard. Her eyebrows came down, creasing the skin above her nose and her eyes were sharp with intelligence as she took in the non-verbal cues he was giving her.

 

He hoped she wasn’t too upset by what she was finding on his face.

 

Eventually, Allura opened her bag and pulled something out. She handed it to him without explanation.

 

“Uhm…” Shiro took it hesitantly, finally glancing away from her face to look down at the folded piece of paper that was just shoved into his hand.

 

“It’s my phone number. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” At Shiro’s confused silence she added, “That was the point of shouting the awful pick up line at me, was it not?”

 

“I…” Shiro’s brain was trying to catch up with what exactly was happening here. “Yes, I guess it was? I just didn’t expect that to do anything other than make you angry.”

 

Allura frowned. “Then why bother shouting it at all?”

 

“I didn’t.” _Oops. Sorry, Lance._ “It was my friend.”

 

“So you lied to me to cover for your friend.” Allura tilted her head to the side. Shiro idly watched a few strands of her silvery hair fall across her shoulder.

 

“Well, yes. He’s my friend,” he said by way of explanation.

 

She frowned again, considering the new information. “Then I seem to have misread the situation. I will take my number back.” She held out her hand for the paper.

 

Shiro hesitated for a moment before placing it back in her hand.

 

“Sorry about all the confusion,” he said, giving her a weak smile.

 

“Wait.”

 

Shiro paused. Allura’s gaze flicked to his face and then back to their hands, scrutinizing the way his fingers lingered over the paper. “Was this what you wanted or not?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“My phone number. I thought you had wanted it, that’s why I gave it to you. Then you said your friend was the one hitting on me. But now you don’t seem to want to give it back. So, which is it? Do you want my number or not?” Annoyance was becoming evident in her voice.

 

“I…” None of the training from last night prepared him for this and he was now scrambling for something to say. “I… Yes. I do want it.”

 

“Oh, good.” Allura handed the number back to him. “I’m very busy on most days so I prefer texting. Just be aware that I won’t always be near my phone to respond.”

 

Shiro nodded his head as she talked. He wasn’t entirely sure that this wasn’t a dream.

 

“Well, then. I suppose I’ll see you next week.” And with that she gave him a small smile and left.

 

Shiro stood stunned by the entire exchange and just stared after her until she disappeared out the door. Then he stared at the folded slip of paper in his hand.

 

Pulling his phone out with his other hand, he started to make his way back to his car.

 

SpaceCowboy (10:34): Guys you are never going to believe what just happened

Prof.McClain (10:34): WHAT

Prof.McClain (10:34): TELL ME

SpaceCowboy (10:35): I have Allura’s number.

aaabaaajss (10:35): no fucking way

  



End file.
